My Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

This Last Few Months I Have Been Really Aware of My Relationship With RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria).

It’s been there since I can remember and it’s taken up a lot space at the mental dinner table , always getting first dibs and more often then not overeating .

The last few weeks I decided to be aware of it popping up in many different situations.

This time really screaming because it’s not getting its usual amount of attention.

I can sense the RSD is hungry now, so will scream a little louder to be fed ( or in my case often a gorge )

I know the triggers that sets it off , for me it’s usually social situations, my children’s well-being, education and my fear of failing at everything I create.

It’s extremely exacerbated around my cycle particularly before my bleed.

It’s Been really hungry this month because I spotted the ques quicker.

But there were moments I didn’t and it got overriding , the anxiety rose and it was over many fears of “could be” situations and not actual situations.

There were still days it took over and it had A party . But this month the party was ended sooner than usual and again it tried to find a way to make a scene.

I sat back and observed it like a film in my own consciousness. I popped open the metaphorical popcorn and just noticed it’s drama.

Yes I asked questions to others because the second guessing arose and I have just continued to do my best at all I can do.

These moments have been a vast majority of my child and adult life.

I will never be working with anyone In my job and ever try to convince them I’ve got this life nailed with not struggles or dramas.

I’m honest , it’s been because of experiencing this all my life that I can see it immediately in others more so because it’s clearer from an outside perspective when it’s not you caught up in the wheel.

It’s helping me to think and understand myself better .

I can’t alwyas catch it’s trickery early enough but I can see what it’s doing far sooner than before.

This is really common in ADHD and Autism. The worse thing you can do is try to convince them that they are allowing this on purpose , because more often than not they have had more than enough experiences where it looked or was real.

One things for sure , I don’t think I’m stupid like I did before , yes I question it but again when I do , I can see it’s the RSD trying to “protect” me but keeping me in a box.

I’ve had people tell me to just chill out and I couldn’t until I understood why- to be it makes sense to understand , otherwise I have no idea how to regulate it

And I would literally have had no first hand experience of helping my children when they face fear, anxiety and worry. I want them to know adults are human too and fearlessness isn’t something you just decide to have , it’s something to face and recognise you were safe all along.

* Picture of our date night , we both face a lot of fear that we are doing things wrong and although we can often annoy each other around it ( because we see and are living with the reality) we know we ain’t faking nothing with each other in this marriage and I’m proud of that.