When I Became a Mother the Difficult Parts of ADHD Symptoms Went Through the Roof!

This time of my life was so stressful, I Felt from the moment he was placed in my arms that I had failed him.

I knew there was something different about me , but I didn’t know it was ADHD. I just assumed I was a failure because the parts on ADHD that can be difficult to regulate became impossible and I didn’t even know that’s what I had.

I became paranoid and overwhelmed with fear of my son dying. I had alarms set and reminders everywhere because I was scared I would forget something crucial to keeping him alive.

I remember saying to my husband- “ this baby would be better cared for by a real mother who has it all together”.

I would compare and assume I couldn’t care for my child appropriately even though I was doing everything I possibly could to keep him fed and well.

Having ADHD has a huge amount of benefits that make life fun and enjoyable.

But right in that moment I was ignoring all the good traits and focusing all my attention on trying to fix and rid of the parts that are really hard. I had no understanding and assumed if I could just be someone else my son would be safe.

And so an even heavier and bigger mask was placed over my body and the tension, stress and anxiety became just as heavy as the mask I wore.

I feared my son would be taken from me even though I was doing the best I could but my expectations were off the scale and I needed support and help to see that I needed to parent my way not the idolised way of a perfect parent taht just wasn’t me.

I’m talking about this because even though I’ve come a significantly long way from this place , I still have set backs when I have too many tasks to complete where it requires executive functions to be on point and I get freaked out and can’t function because of the intense fight or flight response.

However I am making headway and here is how:-

Firstly, I need to breathe , sometimes cry and recognise the amount of pressure I am placing on myself and that my expectations might be excessive , which is hugely common for me.

Secondly, recognise that I CAN prioritise what really needs attention right now and delegate a few tasks ( not avoid tasks or ignore responsibility) but actually I can ask for help and accept it.

Thirdly, recognise how much I am in my head worrying about the situation and it’s perceived outcome instead of just focusing on what is necessary in this moment ( this can be hard , but the more I draw a line on this the better I can function )

There is so much pressure on us to have all our ducks in a row and it’s just not possible and the more I try to get everything perfect the less perfect the experience is- it’s synthetic and stressful.

I feel for who I was when I became a mother and I am so glad I have got help , but my goodness I am grateful I can see what I was experiencing and can empathise with myself instead of using it as bat to hit myself with.

If you resonate with this , I’m with ya, you are worthy and you are ok to cut some slack and give yourself a tight big hug and breathe deeply and slowly to signal to your body that you are safe xxx

Huge love

Em x